Woe is Me

My tiny band of followers may have noticed a week’s gap between my last post and this one…especially after I opened my last one by announcing my posting goal of three times a week. Of course, I followed that comment with a sexy love scene so maybe not.

The truth is I’ve had a lousy week. The kind that makes you want to rant and scream. In fact, I’m really feeling the need to do a little ranting (my apologies to Stacy's Rantings and Whatnot for borrowing from her blog name). And it came to me – hey, I have a blog. I can rant, vent, whatever here; get it all out of my system, and get back to more important things. So here goes, and I promise I won’t make a habit of this.

Last Friday, we brought my mum-in-law home to her apartment from the nursing home where she was recovering from major surgery. She wanted very much to come home and we wanted her home so this was a good thing. Unfortunately, we had not come close to anticipating the level of care she was going to need. The minimum requirement for getting out of the nursing home – being able to walk on her walker – she met. But she is unable to get from a sitting position to a standing one so that she can use her walker. She is also unable to move around the kitchen well enough to get something to eat or to get in and out of bed. In other words, she’s pretty much helpless.

Now let me establish here that my mum-in-law is a dear. She is also a lady of fierce independence and personal dignity, so needing the level of help she requires is very difficult for her and I totally acknowledge that my griping about it is incredibly selfish.  But I'm doing it anyway.

Her first weekend home unfortunately coincided with an out of state golf tournament that my husband attends every year. He offered to skip it but I know how much he looks forward to it so I told him to go. And I spent my three day holiday weekend doing full time caregiver duty. On Tuesday, we began the juggling act between work and caregiving. It was a challenge but we worked it out. What we were having more trouble working out was what to do about the following week – which we were supposed to spend on vacation in Vegas (already paid for and non-refundable). Our backup support crew was standing by, but really not up to the level of care she needed. We decided to play it by ear and see what happened.

On Wednesday morning, I had to do an emergency vet run with our older dog, Brandi. A calcium deposit on the cornea of her right eye which we’d been treating for months had ulcerated and the eyeball was in danger of rupturing. The vet prescribed an assortment of medications but offered slim hope that he can save the eye. He said to bring her back on Friday and be prepared for surgery. This was the tipping point on the trip. On Wednesday night, we cancelled.

So here we are on Friday. I started the day at the vet. The ulceration is about the same so we're giving it a couple more days. I take her in on Monday morning, again prepared for surgery to remove the eye, if necessary. My mum-in-law still requires a high level of care – I put her to bed tonight and will be getting her up in the morning. We are not leaving tomorrow on our eagerly awaited vacation. I’ve lost my running schedule in there somewhere (I was doing a 5K 3 – 4 times a week). And I’ve allowed myself to seek solace from my old friend, the refrigerator, and have completely fallen off the diet wagon (did you hear the thud?). I’m also behind on my blogging - reading, commenting, and posting - and, more importantly, on my writing.

So there it is. Boo hoo. Woe is me. Alas and alack. Let me finish tearing my clothes and rubbing ashes in my hair and get on with things. No more whining, I promise. (Although, if anyone wants to offer me an “Aw, poor baby”, I wouldn’t mind.)

Unwriting progress: From the original 150,000 words down to 114,961.

I'm currently enjoying: Among the Mad by Jacqueline Winspear

Quote of the day: Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.  - Mark Twain