Mystery...Romance...Sci Fi...Humor... The joy of writing fiction - meeting brand new people in places that don't yet exist.
Showing posts with label english. Show all posts
Showing posts with label english. Show all posts

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Marvelous UP

Time for Friday fun.  How about another humorous look at at our wonderful English language.

But first, an important update.  Our friend Stephanie (that's her on her bike) made such great strides this week, she's been transferred from the hospital to a rehab facility.  She also spoke her first words and ate her first soft foods (bye bye, feeding tube).  It's really nothing short of a miracle.  My thanks to you all for your prayers and good wishes.

Now, on with the show.  Our star today is that marvelous word - UP.

This two-letter word more meanings than any other two-letter word in the English dictionary. It is listed as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? We speak UP, officers are UP for election and it's UP to the secretary to write UP a report.

We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP . When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP for now ........my time is UP!


Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

My current word count: 30,877 (Yes, this is the same as on Monday.  Sometimes life intrudes.)

I'm currently enjoying: The Treasures of Carmelidrium by N. R. Williams

Groaner of the day: There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time.  When the Baptist Church decided to re-paint one their biggest churches,Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. So he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine.

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder and the sky opened.  The rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Jock clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke, “Repaint! Repaint! and thin no more!!”

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Why English is So Hard

Before I get to today's post - Check out this great award I received from N. R. Williams:

Isn't that the greatest face?

Okay - it's Friday.  And that means a fun - and usually borrowed - post.  This is from an e-mail that's been making the rounds forever.  Hopefully, it's one you haven't seen, or at least not for a while. 

And this is the tool of our trade?

Some reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) The two were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Scary, huh?  It gets worse.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of  odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?


You know, it's amazing we can write at all.  Have a great weekend.

My current word count: 5023

I'm currently enjoying: Lion in the Valley by Elizabeth Peters

Groaner of the Day:  I decided to go with a short one today but couldn't decide between these two.  Which one would you pick?

1 - Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here. I'll go on a head.'

2 - Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!